Episode 2 - Mr Shiny

When I joined the online dating site, all I wanted was a user
friendly site that I could cruise around on, and wouldn’t cost me my left arm.
I’ve made friends on forums and various other places online before so I knew how
easy it would be to talk to people. 

The interesting part is the initial response. Flirtations flying
about, a plethora of men and loads of people to browse through with pics. This
is where, of course, the first thing can go wrong. As we all may well know,
anyone, at any time, can post a fake picture. This is obviously the number one
rule. Add to this, a profile that seems great, you want to believe the photo
could be real. I’m using my real one.
 
So when you find there on screen, what sounds too wonderful...
well he probably is. For the purpose of my first story and to keep what little
I know about him a secret, I’m going to call him Mr Shiny, for that is how he
appeared. He had the credentials, he ticked all the boxes and our banter was
fun and flirtatious... I had an internet crush. Not the first time... will it
be the last?
 
He took my number after prolonged internet dating and we had
several get to know calls before arranging to meet. Now I wondered at this
point why his voice didn’t seem to match... didn’t quite fit. So, after several
days of zero communication, I was supposed to hear from him about the time to
meet after he finished work. Needless to say I heard not a thing. Silence
followed a very long session on the phone. 

Now in the age of internet and text messages I spend less time
talking on the phone. I still like to do it but why call when you can say it in
text, so a long phone conversation is rare but encouraging. Day and place set
then... nothing. I still to this day, over a month later, have no idea what
happened. He was probably married and looking for a shag on the side. Who knows
but I should have thought it weird when he was reluctant to exchange details
but happy to take mine... so my first flirtation came to a screaming halt. 
 
A little disheartened, I decided there was more than one guy on
the site. Perhaps I could give it another go... think again.

Episode 3 - Mr Hard Up and The Married Man

There has been an update since my last entry. It seems Mr Shiny
hasn’t fallen into a black hole or isn’t in traction after an unfortunate road
accident but is cruising the site again for his next victim. I have still
received no word. Not a sorry for the silence, or acknowledgement of my message
which read, hey what gives? No explanation. Perhaps he is being nice and doesn’t
want to hurt my feelings. Um, it is too late, you’re silence and rejection
did sting. Be a man and at least say, sorry I stood you up, you’re not what
I’m looking for. This is still a mystery but I guess I have to accept the
fact that I was rejected... for whatever reason. Thankfully I am resilient
and I bounce back... until the next time anyway...

So I continued on with the site even though my first interaction
went sour. While I had been communicating with Mr Shiny I came across two other
contenders who seemed interested. The first was the married man. At first I
didn’t realise this to be the case. I learned quickly after this to check the
status before investing any of my time. He attempted to dazzle me with poetry
and sweet flattering words. When I learned he was married this only intensified
his pursuit and how much he wanted to meet me.

Now, before we go on, I must get one thing very straight. I don’t
want to be the other woman. There are several reasons for this. The number one
being that I couldn’t do that to someone. I couldn’t knowingly conduct a sordid
affair with another woman’s husband. I have standards. I have morals. I don’t
want to be the cause of someone being hurt. Perhaps if he was the ‘perfect’ guy
I may break my morality and attempt some sort of relationship but I’m not
immoral and I don’t like him enough so the point is moot. He continues to pursue
and boost my ego and I continue to play hard to get... because in this instance, 
I am. It’s flattering and sometimes he’s sweet but it isn’t enough to make
me ignore my judgement.

The other is quite simple. I don’t like to share. I could blame
this again on being an only child but I won’t. You see, envy is one of many sins
I am guilty of. I don’t like the idea that the object of my affection is sharing
this affection with someone else. The green eyed monster comes out and I become
this totally different person, and I don’t like when she escapes. So basically
The Married Man was disregarded before I even started.

So this brings me to Mr Hard Up. Now why am I calling him this?
Good question. And one I’ll answer in a moment but first, if I’ve learnt
anything from my experience on the dating site it is this, the men are
either:

Married, admitting they are and state quite freely they are after an affair
Are married and don’t admit it but are quite freely looking for  an affair.
Pretend to be someone they aren’t.
Are single but is only looking for a booty call.
They aren’t attractive.
Now I realise this sounds very judgemental of me and
I know I’m not going to win Miss Universe or I’m not 25
but there has to be an attraction no matter how nice they are. If I couldn’t
kiss them, then I can’t date them.
Then there are the men who are seeking a relationship, are what
they portray, aren’t unattractive and are seeking the same as me.
But I think these are the ones that are harder to find.
As yet I haven’t met anyone on the site (besides Mr Shiny the con artist)
that I could truly say, yes this could lead to something.
I don’t think I will be finding my soul mate on the internet. I’m still waiting to be
surprised.

Anyway, Mr Hard Up, he seemed like the last point. Genuine,
nice guy who is searching for love. As it turned out, he was after the 
booty.

I didn’t know this at first. I had lunch with him but there was 
no spark. I couldn’t imagine kissing him. It wasn’t that he was
unattractive... just not my type.

I have a single friend who I have been going on all these
adventures with. Online dating, speed dating and the
like... and I thought perhaps they would hit it off. How wrong could I be? As
soon as he found out he wouldn’t get the booty from her, he ran for the hills
before deciding to give it one last go with me. Suffice to say, I no longer
am in contact!

My friend also organised a date with one of these
guys. He turned out to be pretending to be something he wasn’t. Thankfully
she spotted him before going to meet him. The funniest thing about this is...
that he actually thought it would be OK that he wasn’t what she thought he
would be. He was at least 20 years older than he said and wasn’t as he
portrayed at all. So he turns up knowing he has lied and didn’t think she
would reject him! All very strange. She has decided she won't find her soul
mate on the internet.

I was ready after the three strikes to say, it is time to give up
on the online dating. Since then, in the last two weeks I
have been communicating with a seemingly nice man. We have been chatting in a
friendly way with no talk of meeting or exchanging numbers but rather
building a friendship slowly over time. I’m not sure where I want this to go,
if anywhere, but it has renewed my faith in the kind of men on the site. I’m
having a pleasant exchange with what could become a new friend. Time will
tell with this one.

Next week I will delve into the world of Speed Dating and my foray into this world with Mr TV.

I must be manic as I am starting NaNo tomorrow and have decided to start my weekly serial blog about The Horrors of dating in my 30s.

This week's episode is titled: A preview into dating in my 30's and the internet.


Ten years is a long time in the dating world. The internet was
invented and people now speed through dates or place a personal ad. Basically
  the chances of being rejected before even meeting someone or within the first
  five minutes of meeting are high. I have come to the conclusion that it takes
  more than two dates and one night of passion to find out if you should even
  pursue anything further. Why waste several months on the wrong man? So my
  mission became; how do I find the right man and where? Not so suddenly at
  thirty something, with two children, I’m on the hunt for a man.


So it all begins with internet dating sites. Is this like the
  blind date? In a way yes but blind dates are usually set up. People known by
  people you know. A vague screening process has at least taken place and this
  person has been spotted in real life and isn’t being represented by a sexy
  photo plucked off the internet and a fake profile. Is the offline internet
  meeting the blind date equivalent of the 10’s? I was about to find
out.


For the purposes of anonymity I won’t name the actual places I
cruised all for the name of research. Well that is what I’m calling it anyway. I
decided before I began that I could claim the expenses as tax deductions. I
could find out a little bit about the dating world for the purposes of writing
and actually score a date. It would be easy or so I thought.


I wasn’t prepared for what I would discover in the online world
and I discovered very quickly that people aren’t always as they pretend to be or
what their profiles claim (OK I’ve been on enough internet forums to know this
already but I went naively into this thinking that this was different). If
someone seems too good to be true then they probably are. Needless to say the
internet dating part of my tour was interesting and has many parts so this
  episode will be broken into two. This week I set you up, lead you into my world
  and then let you know how horrid the dating world can be. I hope that this is
  really the case and not that I am totally undateable!


So next week begins my journey into the horrors of the dating
world in my 30’s and the internet.

Someone hit my snooze button but I don’t mind during grey winter. But like it always does Monday woke me up. Manic Monday.

There is a saying that my grandmother kept in the kitchen and it became an important mantra for me. I have since heard that it is an AA thing too so that is interesting. 
 
Grant me,
The serenity to accept the things I cannot change. 
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
 
Change the things you can and accept the things you can’t and working out which is which. Sounds easy enough but is it?
 
Now being brave is difficult. The ultimate thing I believe here, it also involves change, and if you’re like me, you don’t like it. But I can find grit determination when I have to and can follow through on what I decide, mostly. There is a downside to changing things you can, for it may be something you don’t want to let go of but for your own peace of mind, you probably should. So the courage to change things I can usually is the easier option for me. 

If you have serenity to believe in yourself and push forward when you can’t change something you don’t like then I admire you. Acceptance of a situation you have no control over is a major hurdle. For me it involves not getting what I want and this is something I’m not terribly good at. I could blame being an only child but that is unfair, so it is perhaps just me. If you can find peace when you can’t push for what you want then I tip my hat.  Acceptance is the key point here. Can you accept that you cannot change something you want to and have serenity with this acceptance? I’m not sure I can or do.
 
Wisdom, well I have it in some ways. I’m probably still young enough to do dumb things and make idiotic choices. Do I have enough wisdom to know which choice is mine or someone else’s? This is where it gets tricky. 

So if you have a situation in your life that isn’t working for you, then you need to either accept you cannot change it or change what you can... the hard part is working out which one is which. 

Basically the point of my long winded version is that I look to this when the need for direction and focus is required. It works. It makes you reach down into your guts and take control of what you can. Courage. Find
calming yet determined thoughts. Serenity. Then listen to the wisdom. Sounds simple. ;-)

Although the sun is shining and the birds are singing on this
cold winter day, I’m still feeling the blues. Perhaps it is because the mundane
chores of life become more pronounced when your fingers are numb. So, therein,
lies melancholy.

To be manic, as it is Monday, is substantially harder to do with
a frost. Yet it has become the perfect environment for writing. Rewriting to be
exact, I’m still going, even though I thought I may not, and I’m halfway in and
enjoying the process. Is it better? Probably in patches but I’m practicing which
I hope counts for something.
 
This has me thinking of it being like a muscle. I’ve heard it
said that you should write every day to keep it toned, but I find this concept
hard to follow because when I force it, its bollocks and I feel dejected and
ditch the project. So do I need to stretch it? I think I should push myself more
often and work at it. Although I wonder whether it is more about style and less
about execution but that is a discussion that I tend to avoid. I sit on the
fence there. 

Still the question remains, should we use the muscle before it
withers away and the ability to use it is lost forever. I don’t know. I go long
periods where I don’t write anything but an occasional blog post or review. Then
I could feel charged and away I go again doing it all at once. Today became one
of those days.

So manically I rewrite a few chapters and feel good about the
exercise... if only I didn’t really have to read it AGAIN! This is probably why
I jump around works like the energiser bunny...

So am I the only one with delusions of grandeur and cast my book as a movie?

Probably not, so for manic fun today, I am going to cast Spoilt and Twisted Fire.
 
First there is Chelsea and Lucas.  Well I have always had Mila Kunis in mind for Chelsea. 
Although she may not be exactly right for the part, she is the closest I have found.  Lucas was far easier,
Josh Hartnett has been in my mind from the moment I started writing Spoilt.
 
Now that decision is made I need to move onto two of the other main characters in Charlotte and Maggie. 
I have Katherine Heigl for Charlotte. Though once again not sure if she is quite right but I believe she can pull it off.  Finally, Maggie, this was an easy one for me, Charlize Theron would be my first and only choice.
 
The other smaller parts of Chelsea’s parents and Carrie (Lucas’ sister) are harder and I’m still on the search. 
Though I believe George Clooney could probably fit the part of Chelsea’s father. There is also Nathan
(Carrie’s husband) and I think Matthew McConaughey would do perfectly.
 
Of course if Spoilt is to be a movie, there has to be a sequel.  This is where I get
stuck.  I have yet to find a leading man for my Jarrod.  I do have Kellan Lutz in mind and had actually‘discovered’ him before I saw Twilight so... not sure.
 
The final character that hasn’t carried over from Spoilt is Mitch, Jarrod’s brother.  Leonardo DiCaprio works here for me.
 
So am I the only one who has cast their movies?  Perhaps you already have people in mind when you write, to give you the image.  I would love to hear other’s thoughts about this. :)

So I’ve come to a point where I say, what do I prattle on about?  Do I keep blogging?

I figure well I guess so... I should be working on my rewrite or one of the many WIP’s I have going but procrastination is a not so welcome friend I know well so...
 
It was my birthday on Friday. Yes I mention it again (for those who are fb friends and fellow Twitters) but I figure... this is the only thing I’ve been manically excited about this past week.
 
Now I probably should have grown out of the excitement by now but I haven’t. I love birthdays (in particular my own). I love spoiling other people and being spoilt myself. Being an only child this is a given... but I was extra spoilt this year for many reasons.  Not only did I receive some lovely shiny gifts: my kindle, a sat nav (which the kids also love and I use even when I know where I’m going), flowers (always a bonus), beautiful Bohemia crystal champagne glasses and very nice earrings but I had a lovely dinner with close family and loads of margaritas and other such beverages.
 
I spent the day with my kids, went to dinner and the remainder of my weekend was spent with my best friend. What more could a girl want? Well that would be a long list...
 
So in usual spoilt Jo fashion my birthday became a weekend thing and I spouted to everyone that would listen that it was my birthday.  Yes the kid in me will never fade... a bit like my friend procrastination.
 
So now it is all over and I had a lovely time... and I’m a little tired today... 

My Teaser Tuesday for tomorrow will be Songs from the Other Side of the Wall by the very talented Dan Holloway.

So it is Manic Monday and once again I ponder what to write.

The newest exciting things are my new kindle which now has a list of books to read so long I think I will be set for the rest of the year. Yet I’m still downloading new (and yes free!) books on my kindle every day like a demon... I’m set for the long haul. I’m very excited about my new toy and can’t wait for the pretty skin and cover to arrive in the post. 
 
I’m manic cos it is my birthday on Friday and I love my birthday. Self involved much? Um, yes! I know most people probably grow out of their birthday when they become adults. I probably shouldn’t be rejoicing that I’m getting older and closer to a number I don’t want to say aloud nevertheless I get as excited as a kid in a candy store on my birthday. Perhaps it is because I still have the maturity of a fourteen year old. Perhaps it is because I like being spoilt and being the centre of attention. It is probably a combination of it all. But come on, admit it, you all get excited on the one day you can call your own (unless you are a twin or share your birthday with a loved one).
 
The final thing that has me manic which is probably going to leave me depressed is my football team. I believe this year could be the first time we get the wooden spoon. At least it is a new record to achieve. All I can hope for is that we win more than one game. I may be being too hopeful for we are playing quite badly but no matter what, you never give up on your team. Even when they seem to have given up on themselves.
 
Tomorrow is Teaser Tuesday and you may be Blindsided by the extract. ;)

So I gave in and decided to get a kindle for my birthday (well I ordered it and my lovely parents are buying it for me) and I'm very excited!  I caved but I'm glad I did.  I have been enjoying kindle for PC but have decided I would like something a little easier to read whilst in bed... so the deed is done.  Now I can't wait for it to arrive!

I also bought a kitten today.   I have always been a cat lover and since my favourite and beloved cat died a few years ago I haven't ventured into the world of a new kitten.  My kids were desperate for a pet so I decided it was time (just don't tell my landlord, I may have nowhere to live, opps might be too late now! ;) ) Anyhoo, we are enjoying our new little tabby kitten that my daughter has decided to name Tomcat or Tom for short.  Not very orginial I know but she is only five after all. :)

That is about all I'm manic about today... except finishing Blood Tears which I am loving and want to try and do a review for on Wednesday.

Tomorrow I will do a teaser for my normal Tuesday.