I blogged last year about the horrors of dating in your 30’s, my
friend B and I have been through all the different avenues, speed dating,
  online, casual sex etc but I have come to the conclusion that it can be a
  horror for a woman of any age to find a man, the one who is going to hang
  around or isn’t one of the following, for which I will describe. 
 
I have recently decided to go on a 30 day man Hiatus, after the
last three men in my life fell into three of the categories below, I decided to
empower myself. I believe I may have been attracting the wrong men because I
  allowed myself to fall into the traps. I have been reading self help books
  lately, to help me discard my old ways, the ways that attract the wrong men. I
  need to feel like a ‘catch’ before men see me as one.

 Baring in mind before I begin, that there are a lot of keepers
out there, men who stick. The course of true love doesn’t run smooth they say,
but there are many, many people for which it does because there are the
keepers.

 Before I run through my list of men that aren’t in the keeper
category (or may be but just not found the right girl?), I have to say that
women aren’t always the good guys either. There are a lot of women out there
digging for gold, seducing men for their own means. As I am a woman, I can only
write from this perspective and as I’m not a gold digger myself, I can only
compartmentalise men. Sorry boys. 

We can also be guilty, us girls, of allowing these type of men to
treat us this way. I am very guilty of this one. Jumping in too fast, trying to
please, wanting to find love. If you give off desperation, these types of men
fall in your lap. Thus my hiatus, I have expectations, I know what I want and I
need to stick with them or repeat the same patterns.

 Type One: The Commitment Phobic

 Now my best male friend, who I love dearly, is one of these. Our
friendship is strong and although we tried to make it work together, we are
  better as companions, best friends who hang together a lot. We will always be
  friends and I know we will stick by each other for the rest of our lives, no
  matter what men or women come and go. I can rely on him to love, support and
  stand by me... he just wants different things. Well, different to what I
  believe I want anyway.

 It isn’t that these men can’t love, they can, but they are not
into monogamy. They don’t want the white picket fence and the 2.5 children.
  Whether they tell you this up front or you find out along the track, in my
  experience, a guy who doesn’t want to commit, won’t change because a girl has
  come into his life, no matter how compatible. Not saying that this can’t
  happen, that these men don’t meet the right girl and settle down... I believe
  it to be rare.

 Type Two:   The Unavailable

 There could be many reasons why they are unavailable. They may be
in a relationship that isn’t working, staying for the sake of the kids, or
really have no plans to leave at all. This is the mistake that is made on both
sides. I have been guilty of it... getting involved with someone who won’t leave
his kids. This is where both genders can make the error of judgement. If you get
involved with a man who is unavailable, it will usually end in tears. Don’t get
me wrong, some men do leave their unhappy relationship and follow the course of
true love but how often this happens, I don’t know.


Type Three: The Attached

 The attached man is the one carrying a torch. They pursue you,
thinking they are ready to date, to move on and build a relationship with
  someone new... until she comes back. Not saying this always happens but if the
  man isn’t over his last love, then run the other way. He may pursue you
vigorously like the womaniser I speak of below, he may actually like you, but I
believe the biggest warning sign is; I want to go slow, take it day by day. He
doesn’t want to make dates for next week, but then may be spontaneous and
organise several with short notice. This type of man is the reason for my 30 day
man hiatus. Although the girlfriend was no longer in his life, he wasn’t over
the relationship. He threw himself fully into something with me, thinking he was
  ready, then she rings, out of the blue, and bye-bye to current squeeze. The
  rejection may hurt, but in this instance, what is to be done, feelings are
  elsewhere and who am I, as a romance writer, to stand in the way of true love,
  what is meant to be. It could all fall in a crumbling heap, the same problems
  that broke them up could be there, but maybe things can change. The jury is out
  on this one for me but I have a motto, don’t go back if it didn’t work the
  first time.

 Type Four: The Womaniser

 I think this speaks for itself. They wine, they dine, they ...
  but that is all they want. Promises may or not be made and they may or may not
tell you up front that it is casual. Again, these men could change, find the
‘one’but I believe that these men probably don’t.

 Type Five: The Vanisher

 This could be a man you met anywhere, online, out and about,
  speed dating whatever. There are phone calls or online exchanges. There is that
  nice getting to know each other period. From experience, these guys take your
  number and don’t give out their own. They call you, things seem great, they say
  they will call to make a date, then poof! Up in smoke they go. Maybe they fall
  into one of the categories above, maybe it was all a fun flirtation they don’t
  want to follow through on, but I find the vanisher can leave a girl wondering,
  what happened?

 
Now these are all generalised and I am only speaking from my
  experiences... there may be other types that aren’t coming to mind right now,
  and there are exceptions to every rule. A scene from ‘He’s just not that into
  you’ reminds me of this. He is the serial womaniser, thought that there were no
  exceptions until he met her... She believes in love, analyses every little
  thing men do, will he call, why hasn’t he called, I think he likes me.... etc
  (I have been guilty of this I admit!) and though in the movie, it takes him a
  while to wake up... this sums it up for me.


Her:  I thought there were no exceptions

 Him: You are my exception

 
All I can do is hope to find a keeper (and maybe I have with my
best friend, maybe this is the best option, companionship and respect) or
  perhaps I can be someone’s exception.

Serenity, acceptance, strength and wisdom

J

It's been a long time between blogs. In fact it has been six months!
Time flies when you are having fun they say. Well, I can say some of the time that passed me by was certainly fun but unfortunately not all of it was.

Summer had cliched J fall in love. Summer lovin, had me a blast... but like all good things it had to come to an end.

I did the scandalous thing and fell in love at first sight with the wrong man, an unavailable man. Although he could well have been the love of my life, and me his, it could not be. So I had to fall out of love whether I wanted to or not.

Then came Autumn and with that came my illness. A mystery virus that knocked me about for over two months and caused me to be unable to do any writing, editing or working due to 'post-viral' arthritis and carpel tunnel. Luckily during this time I also rekindled a romance with a compatible man. The man I believe is my missing piece. He is my best friend and is the most considerate man I know. Our friendship and passion is like no other I've had and he has been by my side as my friend for some time. We've had our ups and downs, dated other people and fell in love again... but we now have a relationship that I didn't think I could find. That I thought only existed in my imagination. So Sleeping Beauty was awakened. At least I had a birthday during this time to help... though getting older isn't so good!

I'm now almost completely well, the virus has taken its toll on me and my energy levels etc aren't what they were before but I'm on the mend and writing! Yes, I am currently in rewriting and editing phase and feeling great about working again after a long break. Writers block... no, perhaps heart broken and lost... but my muse is back.
On the author front, my publisher has had a change. Tim, the man who has given me such a wonderful opportunity, has unfortunatly had to relinquish Night Publishing and has resigned me with his new, more 'traditional' company - Taylor Street Books. I'm looking forward to continuing to work with Tim and Kathleen. My third release under Joanne Ellis, Folk Law is currently in the hands of an editor and will be my first release under Taylor Street.

Finally, I will be soon returning to my Writers I know Wednesday reviews and shout-0uts once I finished Mockingjay and the two new Cassandra Clare books! I have a long list and so many to read but hope to begin this blog again soon.

That's all for now.
Cliched J